Tips: Seeing the Glass as Half Full vs Half Empty

The biggest determinant of a family's success is it's attitude.

High income and strong self-esteem are powerful assets. But outlook is even more important. In other words, parents with good attitude but a severely-disabled child often handle the situation better than a household with only a mildly-afflicted child but a less positive frame of mind.

Each family has its unique timetable.

Don't worry too much about how other similarly-burdened families are coping. More important, try to make your special-needs child become truly part of the family rather than have his or her disability overshadow it.

You can't "fix" your child.

Instead, your goal should be to find and accept the child's inner worth and relax your efforts to perfect him or her.

No one is to blame.

Thought you doubtlessly will go through a period of faulting yourself, your spouse, God, modern medicine, or other scapegoats, eventually you've just got to accept the fact that life's road is rutted with potholes. Sometimes we miss them, sometimes we don't. You didn't miss this one . But you can go on.

You find emotional health when you balance your needs--and those of other family members--with those of your special-needs child.

Give him or her all you reasonably can. But save some time, some hugs, and some fun for yourself and the others. You'll learn when enough is enough and why it's necessary to not just treat the child but the whole family.

Take advantage of the many excellent sources of help.

There are terrific parent-support groups, sensitive therapists, and a raft of commendable private and public programs that can lighten your load. At first you may feel compelled to grieve alone. But, in time, reach out. Ask around. Find out what's worked for whom, then follow up. You'll be glad you did.